Commencement speech

It’s graduation season, and that means it’s time for individuals of great acclaim and accomplishment to come forth and give inspirational commencement speeches to the classes of 2010.

For some reason I was overlooked for this honor. Apparently having all the lyrics to “Dr. Horrible’s Sing- Along Blog” doesn’t qualify me as impressive enough of a person to impart my brand of wisdom on those kids in the stupid hats. But why let a little thing like nobody caring to hear my thoughts stop me from expressing them?

Ahem:

“Commencement” is a word that means “beginning.” No, forget that-- everyone says that. If there’s one thing people are eager to tell you again and again as you pack your books and prepare to venture out of the hallowed halls and into the real world it’s that this is the beginning. And yeah, they’re kind of right. But it’s also an ending.

People don’t like to talk about that much because it’s taken for grated that endings are sad unless they include the phrase “happily ever after,” and nobody is foolish enough to hand out that promise along with your diploma. Personally, I think being “ever” anything-- even happy-- sounds a little dull, but I digress.

The thing is, this part of life, right here, is an ending. And while those of you who have excelled in this little microcosm of the universe may have some troubles with that, for the rest of you it may just about save your life. Because all those places you never fit into before are gone now, as are the people who have made existence in these parts difficult. And though new people and difficulties will inevitably take their place, you will never again have the same strife you knew here, because time, mercifully, changes us, and the people you see here seated near you will cease to exist as they are today in a remarkably short amount of time.

There will come a time, not so very long from now, when you realize you are not the version of yourself you were today. And that’s probably okay. Because it’s that real-life education-- the courses taught by loss and pain and need and success and obligation-- that will inform this future version of yourself. But such change is as hard as it is necessary. And probably nothing I say here today can make it any easier. Just in case though, here are some of the things I’ve picked up along the way. Make of it what you will.

• You never realize how sick or hurt you can actually stand to be without seeking help until you pay your own medical bills.
• There is life beyond Ramen Noodles.
• It’s not as easy to get pregnant as they make it sound in sex ed.
• Most of what you’ve learned in school can be forgotten, leaving you none-the-worse for it.
• People are never exactly what you’d think them to be.
• Most of the things people say “build character” actually just break spirit.
• There’s something deeply satisfy in doing something just because you want to.
• We have to look out for one another. That may just be the point of all of this.
• Never trust a clown.
• Y’all are going to regret skinny jeans-- trust me on this one.
• Gauging your ears , piercing your face and/or getting any tattoos still visible in a short sleeve shirt will ensure you will have significantly less earning potential in your life unless you’re going to be a bouncer, a musician or something else along those lines. If your need to express yourself outweighs your need to make a comfortable living then that’s completely valid, just know the deal going in. “The Man” still runs the world, and the man frowns upon that sort of thing.
• There will be times when you have to choose between being a good person and being a good employee. Side with humanity. Jobs come and go but there are some wrongs you can never undo. No paycheck is worth that.
• Everyone’s got troubles. Even the jerks.
• One of the most empowering things you can learn is your ability to redefine who you are at any given moment. Those things that tie us to who we think we have to be are mostly smoke and mirrors. Most are only a reality because we believe them to be so. Dust all that off and remember who you want to be, and start being that. Now.
• Be kind. Not because you have to be, not because you’re seeking some karma points and not because it looks good on a resume. Just do it because it’s what you were meant to be.
• Don’t waste your life waiting for it to begin.
• The easy thing is rarely the right thing. The right thing rarely comes with a big paycheck.
• Be grateful. Even for the hard parts.
• Forgive people. Even if they don’t care, it’ll make life easier for you.
• Know that no matter where life may take you, you have something of value to teach someone else. Even if it never ranks high enough to warrant a commencement speech.